daycare woes

what exactly do i want in a daycare? i have been struggling with this ever since i went back to sucking-big-time-full-time work. when it was only three days a week, i didn't even think about it. as long as i was the one with soren more than half of the time, i didn't think it much mattered. i had him tues, thurs, sat, and sun. so what went on (save abuse, starvation, neglect - the obvious felonies) at daycare was not that important to me. but ever since i went back full time and realized that soren is with them 5 days a week, 10-11 hours per day, i have been crazy about the daycare situation. i feel like the one we've chosen is not good enough. the teachers don't love him enough. he isn't taken outdoors enough. he isn't given enough one-on-one instruction (am i smoking crack - instruction for a baby?). his needs are not met every single second of the day.

i've been so crazy about it that i've started reinterviewing daycares to see if one might be better than the place we've had him at since october. the one i went to yesterday (of course) was not good enough either. i walked in and it smelled like sh*t. all of the kids had runny noses. really not that big of a deal - most toddlers i know poop their pants all day long, and god knows soren has had his fair share of runny noses. but of course as soon as i walked in i knew i couldn't bring myself to send him there. i had to take it off the list, which totally upset me.

so in thinking about it last night and today, i realize that no place will ever be what i want it to be. unless i am with him every moment of the day, i will never be totally comfortable. but i also know that i cannot be with him every moment of the day. not only will i go insane in the membrane, but he won't grow by experiencing things outside the home and by interacting with other people. i think once i make my career switch, i will be able to spend more time with him. then i'll be able to strike a better balance between being with him and letting others watch him. but for now i know that he is well cared for and he seems happy, which is all that really matters, right?